The Countdown We Try to Ignore

The day of "goodbye" has officially come.  This afternoon, Nathan will board a plane, which will be the first step to his 6 month deployment away from his family.  (And "us" the near extended family.)

A few weeks ago my parents and I (and Savannah) were able to go to Nebraska to spend some time with him (and the fam), before his departure.  We had a really nice visit.  Didn't really talk about the inevitable, or the reason we made a strong effort to go and visit.

When we said our goodbyes - before loading up to travel back to Wisconsin - I heard my dad giving Nathan some advice about going to his assignment.  I was keeping it together until that moment - the time when what was going on in our heads was actually voiced.  It was said out loud.  There was no denying it anymore.  Keeping it bottled up inside wouldn't prevent it from turning into a reality.  The realism of it all was now out in the open, and facing us head-on.

I'm very proud to have Nathan for my brother.  He's a Godly example, devoted to his family, a hard worker, honest, easy to talk to, good sense of humor, ever growing in wisdom, and forever a thread in the makeup of my childhood/life.  For these reasons and many more I want to be selfish.  I don't want to share my brother with the people of foreign lands.  I want him to stay where it's "safe".

Tonight I was at my sister's and she called Nathan to chat a little - and say bye before he headed out.  I didn't want to take up his family time - and I saw Rebecca about to start crying, and I knew I would never make it.  I said 'bye' through Rebecca.  As soon as she hung up the phone though we both semi-lost it.  Finally I squeaked out that "Auntie Jessica" wanted to play a game.  A distraction would be the only thing that kept me even halfway glued together.

However, there was the car ride home I had not accounted for.  I don't even think I was out of Rebecca's driveway before I was bawling my eyes out.  I kept thinking it was raining outside and that's why the windshield Must be hard to see out of.  Nope - just needed wiper blades for my eyeballs!  I couldn't get over how fast the past 7 days have gone.  I feel like I had just said to someone that we were now in the '7-day countdown stretch' and *poof* here it is!  The.Day!

Nothing will change his leaving.  Nothing will make these next 6 months go by any faster.  We still have to live 24 hours of every day, just like everyone else.  We'll adapt and adjust.  We'll have our good days and our not-so-good.  The early days will be the hardest - with the trepidation and fear of so many unknowns - which will bring lots of tears.  But then the tears will dwindle off, and only come now and again, and on the really hard days.  And then as the countdown to his return gets closer and closer, we'll just want to rip off the few remaining days left on the calendar before he's with us again!  Right now though - we're in the lots of tears part.

Nathan will be in Virginia on Sunday, waiting for his flight to take him overseas.  I'm hoping to talk with him before that flight.  No promise can be made that I'll keep it together.  Tonight I discovered I'm too beat up and battered to be strong any longer.  What strength I have will have to come from the Lord.  The tears that have run down my face aren't because I'm a wimp or am Not trusting the Lord.  They've come because I've loved greatly, and if I didn't care, only then would there be no emotion.

We may try to ignore something, in hopes "it will just go away" - but whether we face it or not - the countdown eventually is going to hit zero and *Whamo* - There it will be - right in front of us!  As much as I don't like to have my countdowns hit zero, those are Always the times when I see God work the greatest.

I'm asking God to keep us all close to Him while Nathan is deployed.  For our peace and rest solely lies in the One who loved us so much He gave His Son to be our Saviour!