This is an entry I have been putting off since last Wed. The last time I posted I was preparing for a new school year and I was excited to share the 'unveiling' of my classroom on Tues., Sept 4th as that would be the first day of the 2012-2013 school year!
Without Knowing Why - That all changed.
On Tues. the 28th we had our school meeting at which time I learned there were changes to the requirements of teachers that conflicted with my personal family situation. Within the next 12 hours so much transpired it's mind-boggling. Sleep is not something I found. I kept praying and tossing and turning throughout the night. I didn't want my situation to put me in a place where I had to leave my job 5 days before the school year was to start. I was trying to come up with ways I could stay on. Finally, in the middle of the night the Lord broke me to a point where:
Without Knowing Why - I agreed to surrender to leaving if that's what God wanted.
More hours of tossing and turning and praying followed. At dawn I woke from a few moments of rest and I had a peace from the roots of my hair to my toes that I was suppose to move on - and God was going to be with me! Each and every human being on this earth could line up and try to convince me otherwise - but I know beyond all doubt God made His will clear to me.
Without Knowing Why - God waited until this moment to reveal His will.
I will be the first to admit that I do not understand God's timing in all of this. Beyond that I'm not going to question it. He allowed me to be able to stay in this place for 5 years (to the date practically)! I have had the privilege of creating some of the most valuable friendships in my life, experiencing God's faithfulness first-hand on more than one occasion, and in general learning life isn't all 'about me'!
Without Knowing Why - I have been especially burdened for my brother Nathan and his family.
For the past few weeks I have been praying for my family. Every time I would come to Nathan and Arlene I would start to bawl. Nathan is being deployed to the Middle East for 6 months. This summer they informed us they are expecting their 3rd child. The baby is due in Feb. and Nathan isn't scheduled to return until late spring. I was trying to figure out times I could travel to Nebraska to help out Arlene while Nathan was overseas, but I still felt like it wasn't enough.
I talked w/Arlene about the possibility of me being able to come and live with her and the boys while Nathan was overseas. And do you know what?
Without Knowing Why - God has been changing things in their lives also.
Not only had she been praying for help while Nathan was away, but other things were lining up, paving the way to make it possible for me to stay with them. She shared that my staying with her would be answering her prayers. (*By this point in our conversation we were Both crying!*)
A few weeks ago, I was informed the home I rent was going to be put up for sale.
Without Knowing Why - I had to clean and organize my house for the realtor to come through and take photos.
Usually, I'm 'almost ready' for school to start - but there's always a few moth balls here and there (if you know what I mean).
Without Knowing Why - I was organizing my classroom down to corners in the closet!
Without Knowing Why - I was challenged to be accountable for my Bible reading.
A while ago I had a friend of the family challenge me to be accountability partners in our Bible reading. I did Not want to do it b/c I was afraid of failing like I Always do. I was reminded I cannot change the past - but I can do something about the future.
God knows just what we need. When I sit back and think of all the things that have been happening in my life it makes me reflect on the awesomeness of God. He knows what He's doing. He has a plan for my life and for the church and school here.
I'm going to miss my students so much. As all my teacher friends are reporting their excitement for the start of the new school year my heart has a sting of pain - knowing 'that was me a few short days ago'! Knowing if I would have stayed against God's leading keeps me focused on the 'unknown'. How can one focus on what is not there? Faith and trust. My faith and trust is in the Lord and I can't go wrong with that. He's in control of my life. If I tried to do it on my own I'd just make a huge mess of everything.
I know my blog is called 'only-2-me', but that's not true with this post in particular. A lot of born again Christians have had to take steps of faith in following God's leading. What is our faith if it is never tested?
This entry is not intended to be my 'soap-box'. I felt I needed to let you know I was not going to be teaching - since I had been posting how excited I was for the school year to begin. Since it was going to be a shocking post, I wanted to fill you in a little on what the Lord has been doing in my life. I am turning off any comments for this entry, b/c I am not seeking validation for God's leading.
I would value your prayers as I seek God for my future. The first step was made 100% clear - everything after that is "Keep your eyes on Me." There have been different changes at church and school also - so if you would remember New Hope I would appreciate it. I want to see the Lord do great things here - even though I am saddened to know I won't be here to experience it.
As I continue on this journey I will try to keep you up-to-date. I hope to one day write Part II of "Without Knowing Why" and title it: "Now I Know Why!" Until then - one day at a time, one step at a time.
