Shoe Cleaning

So my friend was out in dirt yesterday, and today they vacuumed their shoes b/c "clapping them doesn't get all the dirt out!"

? ? ? ?

I have never in my life seen that before - and I don't know if I'll ever do it - but I sure wanted my camera right about then.

Friend - you know I love you, but I HAD to post this! :)

Funnies

I found 2 scraps of paper with student's funnies written on them and I want to throw out the papers - so here are the funnies.

* "Our pens are dying from lack of seeing"

* "Teacher, I might need your black out." (instead of white out)

* "We have overactive laughing spasms."

* Students discussing a motivational game quietly.

"I only got to move once."

"Me too."

"It's a rip off!"

* "Have you ever heard of 'author unknown?'"

And this one really cracks me up - but it's from my Grandma. We were driving and this car kept inching onto the road from a business. Cool as could be Grandma says, "You can go, some cars will stop." :) ha ha

I Have a Lot to Learn

I'm not in the texting scene at all - I really should be in a rocking chair on a porch somewhere smiling at the sunshine and flowers - but I'm not there yet. I'm thinking I'm going to have to learn this list of chat acronyms b/c it's listed with my school info. Oh Man!! I've colored the ones I know.

Funny how there's soooo many different extremes with this mt training. I've had to learn about computer operating systems, this list of chat acronyms, and what I thought was going to be the hardest part of the program - medical terminology! Who Knew!

AFAIK - As far as I know
AFK - Away from keyboard
AKA - Also known as
ASAP - As soon as possible
B4 - Before
BAK - Back at keyboard
BBS - Be Back Soon
BCNU - Be seeing you
BFN - Bye for now
BRB - Be Right Back
BTDT - Been There Done That
CU - See you
CUL - See you Later
FAQ - Frequently Asked Question
FWIW - For what it's worth
FYI - For your information
G - Grin
GA - Go ahead
HIWTH - Hate it when that happens
IDK - I don't know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IOW - In other words
IRL - In Real Life
JAM - Just a Minute
J/K - Just kidding
LOL - Laughs Out Loud
NRN - No reply necessary
OBTW - Oh, by the way
OIC - Oh, I see
OTOH - On the other hand
OTT - Over the Top
PD - Public domain
PMJI - Pardon me, Jumping in (when you interrupt a conversation)
REHI - Hello again
ROTFL - Rolling on the Floor Laughing (also ROFL)
RUOK - Are you OK?
S - SmileSB - Smiles back
SYL - See you later
TIA - Thanks in advance
TNX - Thanks
TNX 1.0E6 - Thanks a million
TTFN - Ta Ta for Now
TTYL - Talk to You Later
YKYBOTLW - You know you've been on-line too long when...

The only other acronym I've used is one my mom taught me when I was little. On the back of an envelope I'd write S.W.A.L.C.A.K.D.S. Which stood for - Sealed With A Lick Cause A Kiss Doesn't Stick!! :)

Horse Warning

Gender-Specific
Driving Etiquette

A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road...
At the same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road. When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts - HORSE! Immediately the man shouts back - WOMAN!

The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his speed.

Moral of the story: Men never listen, and when they do, They don't understand one word a woman says. AMEN!!!!!

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'

'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car It's hundreds of them!'

Name Tags Aren't Such A Bad Idea

OLD FRIENDS:

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

In-Laws

A husband and wife were traveling, when they started bickering. They went on and on till it turned into a very heated argument, yelling back and forth. Finally in a rage, the woman abruptly turned her back to him -facing out the window, and the red faced man looked straight ahead as they drove in silence. After a couple of hours they passed a farm. In the field they saw a mule, a pig, a cow, and a dog. The husband said, "Relatives of yours?"
She answered, " Yes, they're my in-laws."

2 Brazilian Men!

A blonde watching CNN hears that 2 Brazilian men died in a fire.
She cries & sobs, "Oh my word!" How many is a brazillion ?

Polish Remover

Did she threaten to kill you?

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.

The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are you that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten to kill you?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did you hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill you?" "No."
"Did someone tell you that your wife is gonna kill you?" "No."
"Then why did you think she's gonna kill you?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud.
The immigrant became indignant and said, "What so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle said 'Polish Remover'?"

Barocky Road

New Ice Cream

In honor of the 44th President of the
United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream
has issued a new flavor, "Barocky Road".

Barocky Road is a blend of half Vanilla,
half Chocolate, and surrounded by
Nuts and Flakes.

The Vanilla portion of the mix is not
openly advertised and usually
denied as an ingredient.

The Nuts and Flakes are all very
bitter and hard to swallow.
The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented
to you in a large beautiful cone, but
then the Ice Cream is taken away and
given to the person in line behind you.

Thus you are left with an empty Wallet,
no change, holding an empty cone,
with no hope of getting any Ice Cream.

Aren't you feeling stimulated?

The Diagnosis

The Wife

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.

Scents at Cabela's

Incident at Cabela's

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything fromthe sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's agood all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.' She says, 'It's amazing t hat you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!'

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally toots. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'He replies, 'Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.

Serves Him Right

My friend just showed me this video and I couldn't help but think that this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved! Way to go granny!! :)

Meek and Quiet Lips

I'm always goofing around with my friend about women having "meek and quiet spirits" b/c we are Sooooo not quiet --- and the meek part is questionable also! ha ha Anyways, she'll be quiet sometimes but her eyes will be speaking VOLUMES!! So I'll say, "are those you're meek and quiet eyes talkin' again?" or "Woaw! Those are the LOUDEST meek and quiet eyes I've seen!!" ha ha

Anyways, my friend's husband found this online and I about died laughing when I saw it. How true that my life, once again, can be played out by animated characters!

Bowl of Peas

My class has workbook pages where they have to draw pictures for words or phrases, which shows me wether they're reading the words correctly or not. They're usually right on, but last week I had a case of misinterpretation that had me rolling over in laughter.

When I dismissed for lunch, one of my 1st graders came up to me and was all excited. They wanted to show off a picture they had drawn during class. They said to me, "Teacher, I drew a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa!" I was shocked. I didn't even think they knew what that was. I took the book to look at the picture, and was confused (b/c being the good teacher I am, I did not look at the word they were suppose to draw). They said, "Get it, the Leaning Tower of PEAS!!" ah ah ha ha ha haha ha haah and started laughing and laughing. Then I laughed at the ability they had to do a play on words.




My other 1st grader looked a little distraught. They said, "Oh, I didn't draw that. I thought it was "peace", and I didn't know how to draw that, so I drew "Peace and Quiet." (See Below:)

Oh My Word!! When I saw this I literally could not see b/c I had tears streaming out of my eyes. I quickly told them they had to line up for lunch b/c I didn't want my student to think I was laughing AT the drawing that was done "incorrectly". They went to the lunch room, and I high-tailed it down the hall to where this student's mom's class is. (Ugh....just to claify - the mom isn't a student - the mom is the teacher! ok - I just thought there might be some confusion there!) I told her the story, which was hard to do b/c I wasn't breathing real well, and there was laughing and snorting going on. Then I showed her the "Peace" picture and she had the SAME reaction. We were laughing soooo hard.

Then she said, we have to show the Pre-K teacher. She of course has radar ears (love you Pre-K teacher), and yells down the hallway -- "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME??!!!" :D (That's an on-going joke, b/c we always assure her we don't talk behind her back, we talk about her right in front of her. She's always saying to us -- "I'M RIGHT HERE!!!") So she comes in the class, and I go through the story again and she has the same exact reaction.

Then she said, we have to show the K-5 teacher (who is the mom of "Leaning Tower of Peas"). So she comes in the classroom, and after going through the whole story has the same exact reaction.

You know how the Bible says, laughter doeth good like a medicine. Well - we were pretty healthy after all of that let me tell you. :D

A few funny points - The "Peace and Quiet" drawing came from the pastor's kid, which got huge jokes like, Hmmmm, what does the pastor do at his house!?? ha ha (All in good fun - don't think we jab our pastor or anything!) The whole image came from a short scene in Kong fu Panda where there's meditating.

I don't know if I did it justice, but hopefully, you were able to at least chuckle!