Whatsoever Things are Lovely ...

I am not good at writing consistently - obviously, look at this blog!  I have so many journals though.  Why?  I love paper!  Each time I purchase a new journal I think, this is The One!  This is the journal that is going to inspire me to record my life until the end.  Ha!

There is one journal in particular I absolutely loved, with rich brown leather and a magnetic snap that kept the cover closed when not in use.  (Which was most of the time.)  Although I felt it in my bones that this was The One .... it wasn't.  It's just me.  I have learned that is how I am.  I like to write, but it is not in my blood!

Years ago, I went through my collection of unfinished (hardly started, if I'm honest) journals from my much younger years.  I only kept one page out of all those books.  Fast-forward to my more 'mature' years and I found I had yet another stacks of unfinished (hardly started) journals again!  College years, not surprising, those were pretty easy to rid myself of.  I never set aside time to write, and I am thankful for my friendships that have carried on to the present.  No need to relive what I cannot change.  The lessons I learned have stuck with me, a play-by-pay is unnecessary.

My leather journal - not so easy to dismiss.  Those pages held my sincerest honesty; from things that have plagued my thoughts for years, to moments that forever altered the course of my life!  This journal has accompanied me from one journey to the next.  When I traveled it was not packed away ... oh no, it was in my carry-on.  I may not have written in it religiously, but these pages held my life.

Before picking up my special pen to start writing (that's right, I only use ONE type of pen for certain projects - don't judge! ☺), I would inevitably browse my previous entries.  Reading past-events that were so dramatic, at a specific moment in my life, exhausted me.  Instantly, I would be back-in-time feeling the pain and hurt all over again.  It would discourage me.  Even if I had something positive to add to my journal, I no longer felt the joy I had intended to record.  I would snap the journal close and tuck it back away, remembering everything that had transpired since starting my 'favorite' journal.

Surreal.  That is how I would define my life after a 'fresh' reading of my past.  As if I'm living someone else's life, because this is not how I had planned my life to turn out.  Why have I gone through what I have?  Where's the fairytale?  Who's living the life I planned?

Then shame, the feeling that would accompany the first.  How could I think this way?  In comparison to some; who, God bless them, have been put through trials and hardships that I cannot even begin to imagine,  I have Nothing to complain about.  I have been blessed.

Although writing all of this did serve its purpose at one time - that time has passed.  It just took me a little longer than it should to figure out. ;)  Since I have been trying to organize lately, there seemed to be no better time than the present to unburden myself of these memories I have no need to carry with me the rest of my journey. ~  Life is too short to allow the past to weigh us down. ~

There was no grand ceremony.  I broke the spine and tore out every entry in one chunk.  My favorite journal had been tainted by thoughts and memories that needed to heal - not be relived in the same scenario with no change.  Sitting in the wastebasket, beside my desk, were a collection of thoughts I was choosing to not relive again in written word.  Memories are memories and I may very well think about something those pages held, at some point down the road.  But just like writing served its purpose in healing, I think all these years later Not reading those events, and reliving those emotions, will as well.

~

At the beginning of this year I wanted to do something different in the way of journaling/recording 2015.  I decided on using cute crafting paper (since I love paper), cutting strips all the same size (since I'm stepping outside my comfort-box, but not wanting to go too crazy!), record my blessings on them, and then storing them all in a 'Jessica-Original' decorated mason jar.  (I haven't gotten to the mason jar part yet.)

This is what I have so far.  It's less stressful b/c I don't feel obligated to write Everyday.  Nothing is negative - why hang on to that?  And of course, I have to carry on by using my favorite pen for this special project too.  I try to give a date on the cards as well.  Then if I decide to use them in my scrapbooking, it will be helpful when putting the pages together.  I can read these and I'm uplifted, not discouraged.  These little cards take me back to a moment when I remember, 'Oh, yes!  That made me so happy.  God is SO good, all the time!"

".... Whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report ... 

think on these things."     Philippians 4:8