Today's my Mom's b-day. On days like this I'm homesick. For the most part I'm ok with being away. But every once-in-awhile there's this incredibly hollow feeling that comes from the knowledge when I go "home" my family - no one - will be there. Birthdays are birthdays. Everyone has them once a year. Our family usual is cake and ice cream and a few gifts when everyone can make their schedules come together for a few hours. No huge parties or theme; just a simple get together with lots of love and laughter. Every time I wrote 6/23 today I thought of Mom and home. Since I'm typing this at the local library I'd better stop before I start sniffing back tears.
My whole life it seems, the things I want/enjoy the most are always impossible to have together. I want my family and friends nearby but that's impossible. I want my family and the perfect job and it seems I've always only been able to have one without the other. I feel like I'm constantly having to choose between two or more things. Don't get me wrong - I trust the Lord and I know He has me where He wants me, but sometimes it's just harder than I want - and I'm pretty much a bonafied (sp?) wimp! During moments of pity parties, such as now, I try to think about those who have it harder (in my eyes), than me. I don't know if that's the most spiritual approach - I highly doubt it - but it's either do that or do what I want to do and end up in huge trouble down the road.
Inside all this melancholy babbling, I am very much happy to be employed. It helps the days to go by, and although it will be well into July before a check of much worth appears, I'm happy to have an income again. Being unemployed is really stinky! (Isn't that a sophisticated way of putting it!)
Mixed in with my work news is a shout out for my mom.
I love you and I can't for my schedule to clear up a bit so I can make a quick run home and be with you. Hugs and Kisses and All my Love!
1 comment:
Happy Belated Birthday to your Mom! I'm sure your writing made her tear up too! :)
I know exactly how you feel. Don't you wish when we moved we could take a few of our good friends and/or family with us? If that was the case I'd definitely have Rebecca following me around. :) At the same time, it is nice to make new friends, but the "old" ones always seem best.
Some people say, "Comparison kills contentment." That definitely can be true, but I think the opposite can occur as well. I think sometimes it is good to compare and realize how much we have to be grateful for as long as it's not done in a prideful way. And I'm sure that's not how you are doing it!
I'm glad you found a job!
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