Dear Diary

7-31-07



I started a diary. After college I didn't think I'd ever say that again. "Dear Diary" always seemed so stupid to me. That was something I wrote when I was in grade school. I don't know if calling it something different means anything -- but late high school and all through college I called it "Journaling." Terminology aside -- I wrote down what was happening in my life.

As most everything in my life -- I wasn't consistent and I think there's only one book I either completely filled up or came very very close to having no more pages to write in. Buying cute "journal" books on a whim was something I was famous for. I'd write for awhile and then .............. *nothing.* Then another journal book would catch my eye in the store, and I'd vow to myself, if I bought it, I'd write in it til there were no more pages!! ha

Blogging I thought took the place of journaling ... and it's good in the sense where I can read some of my past posts and remember things that took place in my life -- the little funny (and not so funny) moments, but there was still sooooooo much up in my head. After watching something on tv one night, I decided I needed to keep a diary. I'm not going to say what I watched b/c I could never in good conscience recommend it, BUT I took the good I learned from it, and left the bad. This person (in the show) was at a hard point in their life, and they started taking a writing class. Instead of writing short stories though -- they had to keep a diary. After the first week, the teacher told everyone their diaries were filled with fluff anyone could figure out. They were suppose to reach deeper until something of significance was written. The main character went a long time before finally writing the one thing that was on their mind. Immediately after penning it on paper they ripped it out and burned it.

Once it's written - that's it!

The core of what is going on inside of you - your thoughts, hopes, dreams, disappointments, goals, fears, struggles, joys, regrets eventually appear before you on paper. It does take awhile to get there -- but once you do, the floodgates just open up.

Part of me was thinking - this is just a program --- but then some of it was like I was watching Dr. Phil or something. (hhhmmmm, wonder if they 'consulted' him on this?) I thought about it for a couple of days, and then I bought a "Diary." Nothing pretty or cutesie, but a serious looking diary. After writing for about a week I saw so many articles in magazines and newspapers about keeping a diary. One claimed that it's good for your health -- So that's why I haven't been able to lose weight all these years --- wasn't keepin' a diary!!! (jk) Then I read an article about blogging and writing in a diary. Pretty much don't throw away your pen and paper. They're both good but there were some very good thoughts on distinguishing between the two. Blogging helps you meet people in your circle sort to speak. If you love photography you're going to most likely connect w/other photographers or artists; if you're potty training your 1 1/2 year old you're going to have people commenting w/support or ideas to help you and yadda yadda. Blogging is also a way to gain self-justification. Because you're putting you out there for all the world to click on and read (and judge) blogging prevents us from being completely honest. You always keep something back. (*here-here, I know I do!!*) When you write for "your-eyes-only" you're more likely to write down the naked truth and not sugar-coat it.

After reading that, I felt more justified in reverting back to keeping a diary. I have to say too -- wow! it feels like one load after another is just being lifted off. AND, once I write something down, I've noticed, I'm not dwelling on that issue throughout the day anymore. It's hard to explain. All I know, is I have been feeling a LOT better.

I won't go all into it -- obviously, I'm blogging so you're getting the sugar-coated version of my thoughts ;P -- but I did make an entry about: am I not trusting God if I'm writing in this diary? Am I trying to "Self-heal" myself and not trust the Lord?

After a lot of thought and prayer, I don't view this as "leaving God out" and trying to become a better person all on my own. I go to church and gain most of my wisdom (what little there is) through the sermons I hear and also through studying the Bible personally. This diary is a tool I'm using, (I believe) to make me a better person. Isn't that the reason we work out and eat healthy?? It's not that we're not trusting the Lord to keep us in good health, we just use healthy food and lifestyle as tools to make us better physically, and therefore more productive (hopefully) in our Christian lives.

That's what's currently going on in my life. Well -- other things also, but I'm not able to blog about them at this time. (Prayer would be especially appreciated) I just wanted to share, if you're not keeping a diary, and your head is all stuffed -- go get yourself a "Serious" diary, and a pen (I suggest a nice one b/c they're more fun to write with) and for a couple of weeks, just write. It may shock you how much you don't share when you blog; or worse yet -- how much you don't share with yourself. It's hard to weed through all the sugar-coated lies we've told ourselves for so long we believe them to be fact!

Facing the Truth head on is very eye-opening! Get out your sunglasses!

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